You Humans Have Issues:
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.
(2017)
First off, pop-pickers, the soundtrack is not only equal to that of the first movie, it’s better.
It had to be said.
Secondly, any sequel-worries you may have will evaporate in the first ten minutes: there’s yet another quiet prologue on Earth before the brilliant credits sequence blasts you into outer space happiness, with Baby Groot dancing to the ELO’s ‘Mr. Blue Skies’ whilst the rest of the team go through mayhem in the background. And with that and writer/director James Gunn still at the helm you relax back for the perfect Bank Holiday weekend movie, knowing that you’re in safe hands with Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.
Quill (Chris Pine) still has daddy issues and an unrequited love for the green warrior Gamora (Zoe Saldana). And those of you who know that I have ‘tough green woman’ issues myself — from Star Trek’s Orion ladies right through to the She-Hulk — will know how I felt the guy’s pain. This time around I also developed ‘tough golden women’ issues as soon as I copped a look at Ayesha (Elizabeth Debicki). She’s the High Priestess of the Sovereigns, a rather up-themselves race that have hired the Guardians for one of their first jobs after teaming together.
One of the beauties of this film is that, along with the action and really dazzling effects, we get to know and like these characters.
Baby Groot (Van Diesel) is cute as hell, kind of reminiscent of DC’s regrowing mini-Swamp Thing in issue #37; and Rocket (Bradley Cooper) is the genetically modified creature who – honest to God — does not look like a raccoon or a fox (according to himself). Under that hard-as-nails exterior he is a really sympathetic character who drives people away from him and also seems to fear fitting in anywhere – at the same time that he wants to.
For me, though, it’s Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista) who steals the show: musclebound and deadpan, he doesn’t appear to have any kind of social dampener in his head, leading him to come straight out with a lot of the film’s funniest lines. We learn a lot of very interesting things about Drax this time out, including the fact that he makes famously huge dumps; his nipples are a little sensitive; and his nether regions become engorged when he sees tough women who don’t dance.
And I thought I had weird tastes.
“You humans have issues” Drax tells Quill; but it’s hardly limited to humans. The miscreant that the Guardians have had handed over to them by Ayesha is none other than Gamora’s sister Nebula (Karen Gillan). She’s another one with daddy issues: she hates his guts, plans to kill him and blames Gamora (and she’s not far wrong) for all her woes.
Yondu (Michael Rooker), the blue-skinned – nope, not my type – Ravager appears as even more of a surrogate father to Quill than he did first time out. But Quill’s real father is none other than movie legend Kurt Russell. And the crux of the film is whether or not this Celestial with the modest name of Ego is playing straight with them.
Kurt’s young-guy effects in the film’s prologue are simply astonishing; and for those heathens who complain that he doesn’t often stretch his acting skills, he gets to play an actual planet here. Imagine what Daniel Day-Lewis’s family would have had to put up with if he had the role. Jesus.
There are far too many characters to name check them all but I just have to give a shout-out to one of my favourites, the empath Mantis (Pom Klementieff). A wonderful addition and hopefully here to stay, she is adorably innocent and also cute as hell. But in a different way to Baby Groot, I hasten to add.
The only one who stood out like a sore thumb for me was Starhawk, basically Sylvester Stallone in a space suit. Apparently he’s sketched in for bigger things down the way, but here I was just glad that his two appearances are so brief.
For Marvel fanatics there are just so many blink-and-you’ll miss them extras. Even Howard the Duck is in there; but my favourite was the two quick scenes of Stan Lee boring the ass off The Watchers with his tales of what he’s been up to on Earth in the other fourteen films in the Marvel Universe series.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is a pure joy. It imbues its characters with humanity, no matter what they look like; and in its family themes it sometimes comes to the refreshing conclusion that blood isn’t always thicker than water. It has great effects, tons of action, an often hilarious script and a shedload of pop-culture references to have fun with.
And if you don’t have a tear in your eye during the closing sequence…you’re already dead. So you’re going to miss part 3. Shame.
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